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Tsipi Livni and Mahmoud Abbas Talk Peace

Simha Nyr, adv. 12.08.2014 13:03
We don't need an introduction

We don't need an introduction


Dan Margalit asks for a “piece of heavy”, and John Kerry is stuck in traffic.



Simha Nyr, Adv.

Tsipi Livni and Mahmoud Abbas Talk Peace

Docudrama

A five act play

©

All rights reserved

The Hebrew version

____________

On the docudrama:

“Docudrama is an artistic genre that uses known figures as a basis for artistic work. It combines, by nature of things, reality and imagination”.

(Israeli Supreme Court President Aharon Barak, in HCJ 6126+6143/94, Giora Senesh et al vs. IBA et al).

The characters in this play are absolutely fantastic, and the use of real names or real events, including events related to the real names, is intended only for the sense of authenticity, and not for informational purposes.

Any resemblance between any character in this play and any real person is but in the imagination of the reader, and/or by the reader’s familiarity with another person.

This play should not be regarded as a documentation of any real event, but only a fictional drama, bound to artistic values.

___________

Tsipi Livni and Mahmoud Abbas Talk Peace

Personae operandi (by order of entry to stage for the first time):

Knesset members

Knesset Speaker, Yuri Edelstein.

Tzipi Livni, Minister for the negotiations with the Palestinians

Mahmoud Abbas (Abu Mazen), chairman of the Palestinian Authority

Dan Margalit, a journalist

Journalists, photographers, passers-by, guests of the cafe

Waiter

Clerk

John Kerry, Secretary of State

Clerk

Act I

Scene I

The Knesset, Jerusalem, the plenary

Attending Knesset members. Enter speaker, Yuri Edelstein.

Speaker Y. Edelstein:

Distinguished Knesset members,

We are going now to the final vote on the Government Law (Amendment – Release of prisoners for political or security reasons), 2014. Those in favor, raise your hand. Thank you, hands down. Those against, raise your hand. Thank you, hands down.

Knesset members, the Government Law (Amendment – Release of prisoners for political or security reasons), 2014 has passed the final vote. I thank you all.

This session is closed.

Act II

Scene I

Public telephone cell, Kaddarim Junction, Israel; Public telephone cell, Ramallah Junction, West Bank.

Attending Tzipi Livni, Minister of Justice and Head of the negotiations with the Palestinians; Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian Authority Chairman.

Livni:

Mahmoud?

Abbas:

Yes, ma'am.

Livni:

When shall we meet again?

Abbas:

What happened? Bibi and Lieberman got crazy? They allow you to meet me?

Livni:

Leave Bibi and Lieberman alone, nothing good will stem from them.

Abbas:

Yes, we have already seen it. We’ve seen how they blew up our recent talks.

Livni:

Mahmoud, it’s nonsense. Who had believed that anything will come out of them? Neither we, nor the Americans, nor even you.

Abbas:

So why had you Israelis entered them at all?

Livni:

Well, Mahmoud, don’t you know? Are you are so naive? Bibi wanted to show the Americans and the whole world that we are compulsive peace seekers, that we are ready to negotiate peace without preconditions, and that we're willing to pay a painful price for the sake of this holy goal. Then he looked for an excuse to blow up the talks, and put you Palestinians to blame.

Abbas:

Okay, Tsipi, I understand, but this drill has already been exhausted.

Livni:

Mahmoud, the last time you knew it too. Didn’t you know that you would get nothing, no cease-building, no full or partial sovereignty, no nothing, and yet you entered the negotiations, and yet got some candies: release of prisoners, stop building for two weeks, and so on? Again you will not get out empty-handed, Tzipi Livni's promise.

Abbas:

Tsipi, it’s impossible to reheat this drill over again, like old coffee. You know that we Arabs know a thing or two about good coffee.

Livni:

Mahmoud, leave the coffee alone, it's on me. You will not regret. Tsipi’s word.

Abbas:

So how do we proceed?

Livni:

We shall meet privately tomorrow, in London, at the cafe near Madame Tussauds. At 1315, local time.

Abbas:

It’s done, Tsipi.

Livni:

Yalla, see you tomorrow.

Abbas:

See you tomorrow.

Scene II

London, cafe near Madame Tussauds.

Attending Dan Margalit, journalists, photographers, passers-by, guests of the cafe. A waiter comes to the table.

Margalit:

May I have a piece of heavy?

Waiter:

You mean liver, not heavy.

Margalit:

How do you know Hebrew? How do you know that I know Hebrew?

Waiter:

I learned Hebrew in Israeli prisons. I was a prisoner with “blood on my hands”, three consecutive life sentences, but released in the Jibril Deal. Israelis didn’t want us free, they said we shall “return to the bosom of terror” ... Shoo terror? Didn’t I sit enough for the Palestinian vision?

Margalit:

And how do you know that I know Hebrew?

Waiter:

Anyone who asks for “heavy”, I know he is Israeli, and of course the accent. Besides, you are Dan Margalit, I know you from the media.

Margalit:

Then you probably also know Tzipi Livni.

Waiter:

Of course I know her. Knesset, TV, she also has a Facebook. I even gave her a like. She was here two months ago, together with Abu Mazen, whom you Israelis call Abu-Balance. She also asked for “heavy”, but I didn’t need to guess who is she and who is he.

Margalit:

Have you seen her here today?

Waiter:

No.

Margalit:

And Mahmoud Abbas?

Waiter:

Nor have I seen him here today.

Margalit:

They were supposed to meet here at 1315, local time. Now it’s already 1415, and there is no hint. No police, no security, no Shabak, no MI-5 and no MI-6.

Waiter:

No. Nor did they make a reservation.

Margalit:

Isn’t there a back door to this place, some VIP entrance?

Waiter:

There is, but the media are waiting there too, and if there were something there, you would already have known.

Margalit:

Bizarre …

Waiter:

It is not strange, she just let you wait in vain. She stood you up. She is sophisticated enough, and Abbas isn’t a child, either. They must sit now with John Kerry, in Washington, D.C.

Margalit:

How do you know?

Waiter:

I don’t know. I have no secret sources, no intelligence no connections. I'm just trying to get into their heads.

Margalit:

Well, what about my liver?

Waiter:

I do not know, I've not graduated from medical school.

Act III

Scene I

Department of State, Washington D.C., Office of the Secretary of State

Attending Tzipi Livni, Minister of Justice and Head of the negotiations with the Palestinians, Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian Authority Chairman.

Enter a clerk.

Clerk:

The Secretary is slightly delayed, and I apologize on his behalf. May I offer you a nice cup of coffee? (Exit).

Livni:

Tell me, Mahmoud, are you an accountant by profession?

Abbas:

No, Tsipi, Why do you ask?

Livni:

So why do they call you Abu-Balance?

Enter Secretary of State, John Kerry.

Kerry:

I apologize, I got stuck in traffic. I understand that you do not need an introduction.

Livni:

No. We already know each other.

Abbas:

We are familiar with each other from the previous talks that failed, as expected, because of their building commencements.

Livni:

They did not want to recognise Israel as a Jewish state.

Kerry:

You behave like children again. I thought you’ve already grown up a bit since the last time we met.

Livni:

We were willing to give them a lot. I was even prepared to endanger my seat in the government, and look what they did to us! I was ready to go on a two-state solution, which is a lot more than they have dreamed of, and if they want us to recognise the Palestinian state, why won’t they accept the Jewish state?

Abbas:

Your country is Jewish with or without our recognition, and woe to your state if it rises or falls by our recognition, or lack of recognition, of the Jewish state.

Zeev Jabotinsky himself said that.

Livni:

Menachem Begin, not Jabotinsky.

Abbas:

What does it matter, both were terrorists.

Livni:

What style of speech is this, sir!

Abbas:

Well, what now?

Livni:

I suggest we resume the peace negotiations.

Abbas:

I suggest you will release Abu-Batih al-Sharqiya, as a confidence-building gesture.

Livni:

I cannot do that. Now we have a new law, by which we can’t release prisoners. Levin-Shaked Law, if you heard about it, and by this law, sentencing to life is invariably without parole, or pardon, or early release.

Abbas:

We do not ask for parole or pardon for Abu-Batih. Just give him a stay. A cease of carrying-out.

Livni:

What is a cease of carrying-out?

Abbas:

Ask Shai Nitsan, your State Attorney. He has an answer to every question. Just tell him what you want, or what you need, and he will tailor a perfect legal solution.

Livni:

Nitsan can’t act contrary to the law, and once he approves what you suggest, in five minutes, in five seconds, I am kicked out the government, and then you will have to continue these talks with Ivette Lieberman.

Abbas:

Oy vey ... then go, change the law, and come back to us. We also have an interest in resuming the talks.

Livni:

Why are you that small-minded?

Abbas:

We are not small-minded, we run horse-trading, in which everyone wishes to give as little as possible, and get as much as possible, and we want Abu-Batih.

Livni:

We shall give you 1026 other prisoners instead of Abu-Batih.

Abbas:

Say instead to your father. We want Abu. No Abu – no negotiations.

Act IV

Scene I

The Knesset, Jerusalem, the plenary

Attending Knesset members. Enter speaker, Yuri Edelstein.

Speaker Y. Edelstein:

Distinguished Knesset members,

We are going now to the final vote on the Government Law (Amendment – Release of prisoners for political or security reasons), 2014 (Amendment), 2015. Those in favor, raise your hand. Thank you, hands down. Those against, raise your hand. Thank you, hands down.

Knesset members, the Government Law (Amendment – Release of prisoners for political or security reasons), 2014 (Amendment), 2015, has passed the final vote. I thank you all.

This session is closed.

Act V

Scene I

Traffic Court, Los Angeles, California, a judge’s chamber

Attending Tsipi Livni, Minister of Justice and Head of the negotiations with the Palestinians; Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian Authority Chairman.

Enter clerk.

Clerk:

Secretary is delayed slightly, and I apologize on his behalf. May I offer you a nice cup of coffee? (Exit).

Livni:

Tell me, Mahmoud, are you an accountant by profession?

Abbas:

No, Tsippi, you’ve already asked me this question, in Act III.

Livni:

Yes, but you did not answer me then, and the director ordered me to ask it again.

Enter Secretary of State, John Kerry.

Kerry:

I apologize, I got stuck in traffic.

Livni:

It's okay, Mr. Kerry, we also recycle such excuses.

Kerry:

I understand that you do not need an introduction.

Livni:

No, we don’t. You’ve already asked us this question, in Act III, and we answered you that we already know each other.

Kerry:

The director ordered me to ask it again.

Abbas:

We know each other from the previous talks, cut-off, while still young.

Kerry:

What is "cut-off”?

Abbas:

It's like Misha’el Cheshin’s "cutting-off of the hands of those who raise their hands against his privately-owned supreme court", but instead of those hands, we had the peace negotiations that were cut-off while still young, actually even before they were born. Mrs. Livni, what do you have for me, today?

Livni:

We’ve amended the law. You have your Abu-Batih, as you requested.

Abbas:

In your language, Hebrew, there is no "you have”.

Livni:

Wow, it’s true ... Where did you get your knowledge in Hebrew?

Abbas:

I learned Hebrew in the Israeli prison. I got 258.34 consecutive life terms, but released as a part of the Jibril Deal. I wanted another month in prison, to complete my BA studies, but my family pressed, and I had missed it very much.

Livni:

Well, you have your Abu, now what about resuming the talks?

Abbas:

Just a minute. Rega-rega as you say in Hebrew. Our offer was not unlimited in time, and in accordance with Section 8(a) of the Contracts (General Part) Law, 1973, “an offer will not be accepted but within the period of time set for it in the proposal, and, in the absence of such a period – within a reasonable time", and you have dragged your feet too long, way more than any reasonable time.

Livni:

Where did you get your knowledge and understanding of the Law of Contracts (General Part), 1973?

Abbas:

After being released in the Jibril Deal I returned to terror, caught again, got 2754.27 consecutive life terms, and while serving my sentences I studied law at the Open University, completed my LLB and also finished my BA from the previous time, and released as part of the Regev-Goldwasser Deal, or the Tennenbaum Deal, or some other such deal. I lost count.

After having my LLB I wanted to be admitted to the Israel Bar, but they said first do your internship, and then we'll talk, but the Shabass's Legal Department had had no open vacancy for interns, and they would not let me do my internship outside the prison.

Livni:

Why do you need all these degrees: LLB from the University of Damascus, PhD from Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow, and now your two degrees from Israel?

Abbas:

This is for salary bonuses, like in Israel. I also thought about another degree from the University of Latvia, but after the scandals in the Israeli Police about the Latvian degrees, I would rather not have such scandals. The next time in your prison, maybe I get a rabbinical qualification. It also gives a salary bonus.

Livni:

Okay, Mahmoud, how do we get along? You asked for Abu, and you have him. What’s next?

Abbas:

According to Section 9 of the Law of Contracts (General Part), 1973, "Acceptance of an offer after it has expired is regarded as a new offer”.

Livni:

OK, we offer Abu-Batih.

Abbas:

I am not authorised to decide on my own. We also have a Barlaman and we have laws, and by our law there are no negotiations with Israel, but by authorisation of the Barlaman.

End

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